I am not a clever man xkcd jobs

I'm looking for an expert iOS app developer. Key requi...requirements include: - Solid understanding of Swift programming and XCode - Experience with pushing apps to the App Store - Willingness to work during EST time for at least 3 - 5 hours The apps created will have a diverse range of functionalities, including user authentication, push notifications, and in-app purchases. They will cater to a broad audience, ranging from the general public to business professionals. The ideal candidate for this position will have: - Proven experience in Swift programming and iOS app development - Proficiency in using XCode and submitting apps to the App Store - A good understanding of user authentication and in-app purchases - Strong communication skills to collaborate effe...

I'm in need of a skilled Swift Engineer to work on a variety of projects with me on a long-term basis. Your primary tasks will be centred around mobile app development, particularly for iOS devices, and will involve using the latest Swift and XCode versions. Key requirements include: - Solid understanding of Swift programming and XCode - Experience with pushing apps to the App Store - Willingness to work during EST time for at least 3 - 5 hours The apps created will have a diverse range of functionalities, including user authentication, push notifications, and in-app purchases. They will cater to a broad audience, ranging from the general public to business professionals. The ideal candidate for this position will have: - Proven experience in Swif...

I am looking for an artist to create character drawings. I have specific characters in mind that I would like to be drawn. The project involves drawing 2 characters in 2D, a man and a woman in different postures. These drawing will be used in a ergonomics review, it has to be professional and technical sometimes. Skills and Experience: - Proficiency in 2D character drawing - Ability to bring characters to life with expressive and dynamic poses - Attention to detail in line work and shading - Experience in creating unique and original character designs

I'm in need of a skilled Python developer to work on a web scraping project. Key Requirements: - I'm primarily focusing on Web scraping as the main functionality for the project. - You should be well-versed in Python and have a proven track record in data analysis. - Knowledge of web scraping is essential to ensure efficient and reliable data extraction.

I'm in immediate need of a Solidworks expert to assist with multiple tasks related to creating and manipulating sheet metal panel drawings. The work will primarily involve: - Creating 3D models from 2D drawings - Making modifications to these models - Generating flat patterns needed for manufacturing - Setting up configurations and global variances for sizes, materials, and thicknesses Moreover, the final goal is to establish a DriveWorks automation project. I'm looking for someone to ensure it encompasses: - A customizable user interface for parameter input - The ability to automatically generate reports or documentation I need this project to be completed as soon as possible. Ideal candidates should have a strong background in Solidwork...

I am looking for a skilled web developer to create a straightforward, one-page website. - Landing Page Content: The page should include a brief description of the services my company offers. - Goal: The primary purpose of the landing page is to provide information to visitors. The target audience for this website is the general public, so the design should be user-friendly and accessible to a broad range of people. Please note that I do not wish to negotiate details in chat. Your bid should reflect your final price for the project. Thank you.

...Europe. ✻ NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED ✻ You do not need any experience whatsoever, but you must be clever and eager to learn. No. I am *not* being charitable; rather, I am being practical. ✻ PAYING YOU TO LEARN ✻ No. You aren't dreaming. I value intelligence and problem-solving ability over experience. I'd prefer to work with someone who is clever and learns quickly rather than someone experienced but is not very intelligent and/or does not solve problems scientifically. Would I hire an Isaac Newton or an Albert Einstein even if he had no programming experience? Of course I would. ✻ TESTS ✻ You must pass several difficult logic tests to work with me. The first logic test you complete ...

We are urgently looking for a skilled data researcher who will research online UK based local planning authority databases for certain information sets. - Specific focus is needed on planning submissions and permissions that require BNG (biodiversity net gain credits)(the leads). The information is to be taken from Local Planning Authority official websites (publicly available information and no logins required). An in-depth knowledge of planning submissions and permissions and BNG is NOT needed. What is however required is accurate information to be taken from those websites and converted into a database for us. - This work can be done remotely and only requires a computer and access to the internet. - The geographical focus of the UK planning authorities we...

I'm in search of a skilled freelance graphic designer with a strong proficiency in logo design. This work requires a creative thinker, capable of developing unique and clever designs. Key Requirements: - Proficient in logo design - Skilled in creating modern, minimalist designs Final Deliverables: - Raster files (JPEG, PNG) - PDF files Experience in advertising design and video creation is a plus, as the role may evolve to encompass these areas in the future. The ideal candidate will be self-disciplined and able to work effectively in a fast-paced and ever-changing environment. I look forward to your bids.

We can’t use Renko on trading view for signals and strategy Not allowed Doesn’t work Renko doesn’t work with strategies and indicators You have to use candlestick then overlay Renko And then use the indicator. Renko chat don't work, you know that Becareful don’t use Renko Renk is how I trade, but we are trying to autmate this So you are going to have to use Candlestick with Renko overlays and the indicator on the renko, overlays and trade off the Candlesticks with the signals. The renko is to show you the end result, how it is going to look So you have to compare your Candlesticks signals with how the renko signals with what I showed you work They have to match

Looking for a web developer to assist with various technical woocommerce things with woocommerce, i rather a company than an individual this way there is more skills to different tasks and i dont want issues like disappearing freelancers. Please make sure you are serious, keep having people start the job, do a few things and then all of a sudden just stop working for no reason. Must have good communication and have experience with complex fixes, when a task is assigned it needs to be resolved and whatever else is found quickly. Bugs mean the site is down or not working and dont have time for excuses or inexperience. This is a long term position as once you get use to the sites (about 12) the issues tend to be the same. DO ...

I have a simple stick man design and I'm looking for an artist to create three different versions of the same character with varying outfits. - The first character should be styled as a cowboy. - The second character should be designed as a safety person with a hard hat and a reflective vest. - The third character should be wearing a tie. The clothing design for each character should be simple and minimal. While I have specific colors in mind for some parts of the outfit, the artist is welcome to make creative decisions with the rest. There is no need for any background elements, just a focus on the character design. Ideal candidates for this project should: - Be skilled in character design, with experience in c...

I am looking for a programmer with previous experience in building a Group Buy SEO Panel with the following tools, with the possibility of adding tools later. semrush freepik envato elements Motion Array pacdora with the following download limits: freepik 25 files /day envato elements 30/day Motion Array 30 /day pacdora 30/day I do not want a page specifically for payments, but in return I want a section at admin dashboard to generate activation keys for each service. I will sell these keys, and once the customer obtains an activation key for a service, he will paste it in a specific place on user dashboard and click on the word Activate, and the service associated with this key will be activated. Pl...

I'm looking for a screenwriter to create a standalone origins movie screenplay for a Spider-Man villain that I've named "Venom: Sunset". The story is set in 1389 Tokyo and centers around a misunderstood hero who eventually turns into a villain. Key Elements: - Historical Accuracy: The screenplay should be well-researched and accurately reflect the culture, customs, and events of Tokyo in 1389. - Samurai Fighting Scenes: The plot should include engaging, well-choreographed combat sequences involving Samurai warriors. - Character Development: It's crucial that the protagonist's transformation from a misunderstood hero to a villain is believable and emotionally resonant. Desired Tone: - Dark and Gritty: ...

Hi, We’re looking for a skilled female app developer to build a quick MVP and convert a physical card game into a mobile app game for both iOS and Android platforms. Quick note: I appreciate those who feel the need to start a chat and not so much those who have not bothered to read the brief before wanting to chat. I'll only start a chat if you have at least 2 to 4 links to card games you have published. Skills and experience required for this project: Experience converting physical card deck games into digital game experiences would be the ideal provider. The game brief overview: "Ello" is a two-player game played with a standard 52-card deck, where each player starts with 26 cards....

Rare Opportunity for the Right Person with the Right Attitude. We are a nimble & brash independent direct-to-consumer US based company branching into exclusive & clever Democratic political swag for the next six months. And we are looking to partner with an entrepreneurial social media expert with a sharp mind and an even sharper wit, who can cut through the clutter with our merch. If you’ve got the creative social media chops, and can deliver, then your upside is UNLIMITED. This opportunity begins immediately! Contact us for all details!

I require a structural engineer to check that work done by a builder ten years ago is safe, so that I can rent out or sell the property. A non-supporting wall was removed between a kitchen and a dining room. The builder put in a steel beam which he said was stronger than necessary, but he also said that it would need signing off. He said that whoever inspected would want to see that the pad stones or cap stones had steel reinforcement in them. Ordinarily this would be the man from the council. I want an independent engineer. I am naively thinking that I need a certificate to say that this is safe and that it complies with Building Regulations. The quote I have had was to do cal...

I am in need of a coder well-versed in Lua and experienced with IceSL. The task involves: - Developing a Lua script that can generate a 3D model. - The 3D model in question is a cycloidal gear and pinion element, generally employed In clock gears. Skills and Experience Required: Mechanical Engineer - Proficient in Lua scripting language. - Experience with IceSL for 3D modelling. This task requires an understanding of code as well as a foundational knowledge of mechanical engineering principles. If you possess these skills and experience, I'd love to hear from you. Please include any relevant work in your proposal.

Docker not working in virtual box of windows 10 OS

I'm seeking a talented logo designer with a knack for modern and minimalist aesthetics. This logo will represent my brand and should be uniquely identifiable. Key requirements: - The logo must be designed to specifically serve the purpose of brand identification. Skills required: - Proficiency in graphic design and logo creation. - A good grasp of modern and minimalist design principles. Please be sure to include your portfolio with any relevant examples when submitting a proposal.

...2019 Outlook (mac) rules issues (5 stars) rules not applying CAN WE SHARE SCREENS? NOT SURE HOW TO SOLVE THIS WITHOUT SHARING SCREENS? ANY CHANCE YOU CAN HELP ME PLEASE ? Thank you Kindly in Advance There is hope you can give your “best” price; unemployed, and have cancer with bills backing up, $10 possible? Please note $10 is the max total that I can handle for this (doing hourly reduces % fee). Will leave a Glowing paragraph of feedback 5 stars : - ) My funds are low but will pay quick and leave 5 stars. Please give your best possible for your bid ? (something reasonable?) Please note there is hope we can mutually complete this task; we can leave each other nice comments and 5 stars for each? Look at feedback on my profile, feedback ...

I need a lead generation expert who can get me warm leads of small local cleaning companies in the United States. These companies should not have a website yet, but they should be in need of one for their business. Key Requirements: - Location: United States - Target Audience: Small local cleaning companies - Contact Method: Email Ideal skills and experience for this job: - Proven track record of successful lead generation in the B2B sector, ideally within the cleaning industry - Strong understanding of the American market, particularly local services - Excellent communication skills for effective email outreach - Experience in identifying companies in need of web development services - Ability to generate warm leads that are genuinely interested in website de...

"I am looking for a programmer to create software solutions for a website by improving the website's performance through developing techniques to access the website's server via creating code or bot."

I am seeking a proficient seller to promote my online mental health services specifically tailored for IT professionals. This unique offering allows sellers to earn commissions based on successful sales, ensuring a mutually beneficial partnership.

2 api only to pass value. Work with ftp

We can’t use Renko on trading view for signals and strategy Not allowed Doesn’t work Renko doesn’t work with strategies and indicators You have to use candlestick then overlay Renko And then use the indicator. Renko chat don't work, you know that Becareful don’t use Renko Renk is how I trade, but we are trying to autmate this So you are going to have to use Candlestick with Renko overlays and the indicator on the renko, overlays and trade off the Candlesticks with the signals. The renko is to show you the end result, how it is going to look So you have to compare your Candlesticks signals with how the renko signals with what I showed you work They have to match

I'm looking for a talented screenwriter to craft a standalone origins screenplay for a movie tentatively titled "Venom: Sunset". The story is set in the Midwest of Texas during the early 1900s and is aimed primarily at teenagers. Key elements that need to be included in the screenplay: - Focus on the origin of powers: The storyline should revolve around the discovery and development of the villain's unique abilities. This is a crucial element that should be explored in depth. - Tone: The screenplay should be crafted with a dark and gritty tone. It should resonate with the angst and complexity of a typical Spider-Man villain, thereby creating a sense of depth and foreboding.

Hello, This is a $20 project. Looking for a freelancer to develop a python script to retrieve restaurant data from Google Maps using the Maps/Places API. The script should target restaurants that have a phone number and *do not* have a website. The inputs I need to enter are: - Location (latitude and longitude) - Search Radius (in meters) - Ensure the business/place is a restaurant, bakery, etc. Key Data to Retrieve, output in a .CSV: - Business Name - Address - Phone Number - Google Maps URL Thank you, trooper501

My project involves removing a person from a photo and substitivng that figure with more of the fountain that is in the background of the same image. Here are key details: -The photo is in HEIC format. -The person should be entirely replaced in the image, not just removed. -Replace the person with a continuation of the fountain already present in the picture's background. The ideal freelancer for this project would be proficient in photo manipulation and editing, with specific experience in manipulating HEIC file formats. A strong sense of aesthetics and detail is crucial to ensure that the inserted fountain looks as natural as possible in the final product. First photo is the one I would like to be edited to remove the man on the r...

I'm seeking skilled animators with expertise in 2D animation to bring meme content to life. - I'm interested in animators who can create memes that are both humorous and clever, so a good sense of comedy and irony will be key. - The ideal candidate should have a strong understanding of internet culture and current trends in memes, as well as the ability to adapt these into animations. - Experience in creating content for social media will be a plus. Looking forward to collaborating with talented meme animators. We have already created the character. We just need him in different scenarios and funny situations related to today's news and current affairs while also adding the space alien genre.

I am in need of a skilled copywriter to craft clever and digestible content aimed at educating the general public about a certain technology topic. This is not a hard sell, but an opportunity to expand knowledge and spark interest. Your words need to be clear, engaging, and easy to understand for non-tech savvy readers. The ideal candidate will: - Have a background in technology or a strong grasp of tech industry concepts. - Have proven experience in copywriting, especially with informational and educational content. - Be intuitive in understanding the best way to communicate complex ideas to a general audience. Your mission will be to make an often intimidating subject matter approachable and intriguing. If you ha...

I am in need of a proficient and savvy business planner who can develop an engaging and informative plan for my men's mental health health & wellness not for profit business. The prime target audience for this business will be adults between the ages of 20 and 60. This project involves: - Creating a high level business plan and presentation concept that sets us apart. We have some concept notes that need to be distilled into an easy to read presentation and plan with an execution timeline. - Optional - Initial development of financial forecasting model and budgets. The ideal freelancer for this project will have a strong background in business plan writing, with specific experience in the health & wellness sector. Strong understandin...

I'm seeking a skilled screenplay writer to create a thrilling and engaging script for a 10-episode TV series that will appeal to an adult audience. This project is a crossover between two iconic Marvel characters, Ghost Rider and Spider-Man, and thus requires a deep understanding of their stories. Key Requirements: - Target Audience: The aim is to create a screenplay that is particularly captivating for adults. The story should be intricate and mature, while still retaining the essence of the original comic book characters. - Tone: The screenplay should have a dark and gritty tone to match the themes of the Ghost Rider character and the general atmosphere of the Marvel universe. It should be crafted in a way that keeps th...

I'm seeking a talented screenplay writer to craft a 3-hour movie script for an action-packed and thrilling adaptation of the popular video game "Mega Man". Ideally, I'm looking for a script that retains the core essence of the game but is open to some creative liberties. Key Requirements: - Create an engaging, 3-hour screenplay - Include intense action sequences, heroic battles against bosses, and characters with special abilities - Maintain the action-packed and thrilling tone throughout - Stay moderately close to the original video game storyline, while allowing for some creative freedom Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proven experience in scriptwriting, particularly for action-based movies - Strong understanding of the "Meg...

...You do not need any experience whatsoever, but you must be clever and eager to learn. No. I am *not* being charitable. I am being practical. ✻ PAYING YOU TO LEARN ✻ No. You aren't dreaming. I value intelligence and problem-solving ability over experience. I'd prefer to work with someone who is clever and learns quickly rather than someone experienced but is not very intelligent and/or does not solve problems scientifically. Would I hire an Isaac Newton or an Albert Einstein even if he had no programming experience? Of course I would. ✻ TESTS ✻ You must pass several difficult logic tests to work with me. The first logic test you complete for me will be an unpaid logic test. In othe...

I'm in need of an HTML JS developer to refresh the front-end of my existing website. My web site uses pages that have components generated in JS. Many of the properties are created / set in javascript are difficult to support and change. I would like the properties moved to a CSS file where they can be set more easily. I need a developer who works hard and long hours like myself. Obviously excellent HTML/CSS/Javascript are essential for the right developer. May lead to more work doing exciting new development . .

We are looking for a reliable, dedicated and knowledgeable VA on a long term basis. Our company operates within cryptocurrency and finance, making it highly beneficial that the selected VA has a strong understanding of this field. As a VA, you will play a pivotal role in managing various tasks associated with our crypto-related platforms, including a YouTube channel, social media accounts, a blog, and a Telegram community. Key Responsibilities: Research and Summarization: Conduct research on new crypto products, trading companies, and product features. Summarize findings in visually appealing Excel sheets or Designs or reports for easy comprehension. Partnership Outreach: Reseacrch & Contact potential partner programs to exp...

Rebuilding a fullscreen section in Elementor on your server Content Homepage / Fullscreen Section: Animated font Animated flipping image menu Please only report freelancers who can realize this today. It is not a very big task Thank you

Hello. I need an animated video to put audio over. In short, the video must be around 3 minutes and a little man (or a family) moves between several institutions of the state such as the primary school, the school, the market, the secondary school. Next to the respective building, zoom in and specify details related to the utility of the respective building. Thank you

I'm seeking a designer to create a stylish/modern, text-based logo for my beard butter brand. I also would like if a picture of a man with a beard is part of the logo or the two initials of the name BB. I would like the man to look more like a minority black Hispanic looking. The name of the company is Bearded Bully. Our slogan is My Beard Is Bigger Than Yours. I want both the name and slogan on the logo. The chosen logo will find use across various platforms including product packaging, website, and social media profiles. I am open to anything as long as it looks good. Appreciate you guys submitting your ideas. Skills & Experience: - Proficient in logo design - Good sense of typography - ...

Hi I need the logo for "Elite Dojo" to work with a black background and a white background. Feel free to be creative and change the existing design! IMPORTANT: Please keep the black, white, and light blue colors. Please remove the square in the back. If you can change the man with the belt that would be great. We don't like the current hands of the man. This is the logo for a Japanese martial arts dojo. Thank you!!

-DATING and SOCIAL NETWORK WEBSITES , I'm looking for a highly skilled and React.js developer who can expertly handle complex application development. Your responsibilities will include: - Frontend development: creating robust and efficient codes that will drive our web application. - User authentication: implementing secure protocols for signing in and maintaining user sessions. - Advanced UI components: building sophisticated UI features that dovetail effectively with user actions and responses. - Real-time data synchronization: making sure our user's data synchronizes in real time, ensuring a seamless user experience across devices. - Seamless integration with various third-party APIs, crucial for expansive functionality Ideal candidates should have extensiv...

I am looking for someone who can design pages of a hat online shop. I am not in need of a developer. you must be creative and use inspirations from the likes of new era and topperz. Please note, i need someone who has is very creative and has an eye for quality designs. The home page will be your first trial. If you are able to design a good home page you will be asked to design the rest of the other pages required. We also will require the automated emails and invoices designed too. Please bare in mind that these designs will be taken by a developer and implemented for use on the website.

Information Gathering on a System for Updating Device Programs ＜Request Details＞ Please gather product information on vehicles equipped with the technology described in the 【2. Desired Technology】 section below. ※Note Do not gather information based solely on the information listed in the 【1. Background】【3. Reference Information】 sections (【1】【3】 are for reference only) 【1. Background】 This technology pertains to a system for updating the programs of devices installed in vehicles. Many devices are installed in vehicles, and these devices store programs. It has been proposed that by updating these programs, the functionality of the devices can be improved. In particular, it has been proposed that by receiving data for program updates from an external server via wirele...

Hello, I ve a shoify store, with server (stape) side tracking both for google and meta. After we fixed the majority of tracking problems and now tracking works good, consent mode v2 too, we still have all the purchases "not set" on GA4. I need a tracking and GA4 expert to look into it. Please note: the milestone will be released only when the problem is going to be solved. Thanks

I'm looking for a talented screenwriter who can craft an engaging and action-packed crossover movie screenplay involving iconic characters like Spider-Man, Deadpool, Transformer Autobots, Doctor Octopus, Taskmaster, and Transformer Decepticons. - **Spider-Man Character**: Please create an original version of Spider-Man, diverging from the existing Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, and Tom Holland's Spider-Man. This character should be engaging, relatable, and seamlessly fit into the established Marvel and Transformers universe. - **Tone**: The movie should oscillate between a mix of comedic and serious tones. It should be able to deliver both the light-hearted banter and the emotional gravity that fans expect from these characters. - ...

Task description I am in need of a competent freelancer with proficiency in arduino, particularly for STM32 microcontrollers (specifically the NUCLEO-G491RE model) and ESP32 microcontrollers (specifically the ESP32-DEVKITC-32UE). It needs a certain amount of inputs and outputs to begin with, but also minimum 2 outputs with PWM-control or analog 0-5V, as the motorcontroller of choice works with PWM or 0-5V inputs. Also 2 analog inputs 0-5V for 2 kinds of safety edges. Find also the list of peripherals in the attachment. The pulse generated by the motorcontroller won’t exceed 500 Hz with our current motor/motorcontroller configuration. (see peripheral list: section motorcontroller) In total we need to have: Digital inputs: 12 Digital fast inputs (counter): ...

Congratulations to Mikhi Dacus BHP Class of 2024 Valedictorian The Man. The Myth. The Legend. Class colors and Navy Blue with red accent This will need to be formatted high quality for 8'8 backdrop

I am seeking a freelancer to help my elementary school-aged child with extracurricular activities that focus on skill development. The ideal candidate will have experience in creating fun and engaging activities that will challenge my child and help them improve their skills in various areas. Skills and Experience: - Experience working with elementary school-aged children - Ability to create and implement activities that focus on skill development - Strong communication skills to effectively communicate with both myself and my child - Knowledge of various extracurricular activities that can help develop skills - Passion for working with children and helping them reach their full potential

I'm in need of a skilled programmer to develop a script that can serve as both a Man-in-the-Middle (MITM) and a Reverse Proxy tool. The primary goal of this script is to assist me in intercepting network traffic and bypassing certain network restrictions. Key Project Requirements: - The script should be compatible with Windows, MacOS, and Linux. - It should effectively intercept network traffic and support the following network protocols: HTTP, HTTPS, and TCP. - The script should also have the capability to act as a Reverse Proxy tool when needed. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proficiency in programming languages like Python, C++, or Java. - Experience in developing network security tools or reverse proxy systems. - Knowledge of network pr...