Help me take my fantasy novel to the next level.

I've gone over my first of three novels a few times, had some test readings with my target audience(Jr. High/High School), as well as ages ranging up to 80 years old, and here I am. I am evidently an author because I put some words and ideas on a page, but I am not a writer, so my sentence structures, spelling, and punctuations need assistance. Size: The book is 286 pages and currently clocks in at 68,717 words. It isn't a very small project, but my budget is limited. My kickstarter campaign will be launching soon, and if it reaches the projected backing, there will be a secondary compensation.(But I cannot guarantee how that will go) What I am looking for: Proofreading/Editing- Breaking down and correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, and structure issues. Creative Writing: Re-wording suggestions; help remove/replace commonly repeated words or phrases with things that help with the flow, or freshen up the narrative.. Suggestions on trimming, or expanding for pacing issues. Assistance in tone; helping the writing style/transitions stay consistent throughout. What I'm not looking for: Someone to rewrite my entire story. I feel that the right editor for me will make good suggestions on how to inject life into a scene, or perhaps ramp up the tension, but not write/re-write entire paragraphs. The feedback I've received from the 50+ readers has generally been positive about the ideas and story presented, but has had some concerns of confusion on some more intricate plot points. I'm truly trying to find a balance between a descriptive narrative, and a story that moves along at a good pace. I've read novels in the past where 12 pages in a row would be dedicated to the color of a flower in a field that characters are passing by, and others that were full of dialog and literally everything in the setting is left to the reader to figure out. The complete work would involve: the ideas above as well as a quick review of the corrections/additions made. I will include a sample chapter as an attached file. The chapter in question is 17 pages long. I would like to see a sample edit of a minimum of 5 pages from the chapter to see the style and process of your editing. The pictures attached are the cover, an image of one of the many characters in the book, a card/board game from within the lore of my creation, as well as one of the shirts(just a few of the rewards for the kickstarter campaign) just for a fun point of view. I have 3 novels planned for this part of the story, and am halfway through the second. So repeat work will be available if the powers that be smile upon me.